Well? I've reached (yet again) the inevitable question of "what happens next?" Seems like I've spent more than a year tossing around answers and not really coming up with anything. I'm in a good place right now. I've got some money saved up. I'm closing a show this weekend. And I may not have a job in a matter of weeks/months. Now before you say that doesn't sound like such a good thing, hear me out.
I've been making excuses ever since I graduated college. I told myself I would work until I figured out what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. Might as well save up some money while I figured out what's next. And then I got comfortable. I was making money and just living. Sure, I auditioned for things from time to time, and I've done a couple shows since school. But now that it seems like all my time commitments are coming to an end...what next? Is it finally time to bite the bullet and actually take a risk? Do I actually put myself out there and try and accomplish my dreams??
It's a scary thought. What if I fail? What if I lose all my money and come back with nothing? What if they tell me I'm no good? What if I never accomplish anything?....but what if I make it? What if they do like me? What if I'm happier than I have ever been? And what if I get to do everything I've ever dreamed of doing? What then?
It's a hard dilemma. I guess I'm just tired of waiting. Tired of not knowing whether or not I'm good enough. Tired of holding out for that perfect audition and holding back because the timing isn't right yet? Sometimes I wish I could just see the answer right out in front of me and I could just grab it and take it.
I've taken the first step though. I've got nothing holding me back. And I am looking.
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